Have you ever had someone tell you what they think you SHOULD do, (like meditating), during a stressful period of time in your life? As though sitting in a tortured silence will help you out...
 
There are going to be minutes, hours, days, and sometimes weeks in your life where it is completely inappropriate to sit in silence. When our nervous systems are ramped up and we feel chaotic inside and are frantically moving around through our days to avoid the turmoil... this is not when you want to try to sit down in a quiet room and breath.
Many of my clients will attest to times like this during their program where we had to abandon breath work and mindfulness for movement to help get the jitters out. 

The only thing that will help our stress levels is our adaptability to stress.  

Unfortunately there is not a straight forward formula to figuring this out. It takes time. Time to test our limits of how stressed we can be while sitting still and when it might be appropriate to push that limit and build our levels of resilience up. Because it is like exercising a muscle, the harder we push at appropriate times, the more we grow. 

NOT ALL THE FCKIN TIME THOUGH.  And learning to voice our opinions or say no thank you to opinions that are unsolicited is a great tool to have in your pocket. It may take bravery and courage but let me tell you.. being able to communicate clearly what you need is a HUGE stress reliever. 

Movement can often be the best medicine, (unless it is a neurotic tendency to exercise)... and when you are really stressed out and struggling, if it causes more stress, do not do it. 

 The darkest and most dangerous places exist in our own mind.

I am a professional at spinning out. My mind loves to come up with ideas and then chase them off the cliff into both doom and gloom AND success and opportunity. I am also a professional at keeping my mouth shut about wtf is running through my mind. Whether it be success or certain failure, I will speak of it only to people who I can trust with my life to not spin the crazy dial any further. This is solely because of who I want to be in the world that I will only trust calm and rational people to talk my deepest shit with.

Having had deeply distressing or disturbing experiences (trauma).. I know that time does not heal all wounds. What time does allows you to do is build a relationship with your mind and recognize how you treat it and how it treats you. We all know the idea that we are a sum total of the 5 people we spend time with, and this is because mentality is contagious. 

If you are looking to change your mentality then here are some questions to ask yourself (in this order): 
 
What shows, books, or music do you consume?
This can tell us if we have a flare for drama or if it has imprinted the idea behind what life is "supposed" to look like. What our aspirations are. What our style of processing emotions is. Etc.

And then think about the experiences you have on a regular basis?
What are the patterns here, because we all have them. And if you struggle to recognize your own patterns ask someone who you have an uncomplicated relationship with what they see you doing regularly that may be inhibiting you living your best life. 

and then...
What kind of action do you take over your problems? 
This is a biggie... let us tie this one to the ones above. Do your actions mimic those you see on TV, in the group of friends you have, the regular experiences you participate in, (ie bar hopping, movies, exercise, shopping, tindering, etc). This will lead you down the rabbit hole of "AM I HAPPY WITH MY DECISIONS?"
Ouch. Something that no one ever really likes asking themselves. 


When we realize we are in charge of the little daily things we do, (realizing it means you cannot un-realize it).
 we usually become wildly uncomfortable because that is a fuck ton of responsibility over our lives and we barely like to take responsibility over our bodies let alone whole life.

I am here to tell you that discomfort is just fine.
It is temporary.
It is also necessary if you want to change anything about your life.  

​It is scary as fuck to think about being alone with ourselves. Our mind is a living reel of experiences that continuously plays and is so easy to binge watch. But we do have some control over the loops our mind runs on. We just have to recognize that power and do the work to change it. 

THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE REASON CLIENTS ARE HESITANT TO START A BREATH WORK PROGRAM. We could call it the "I am afraid of my own greatness" syndrome. But really it is the "I have no idea WTF I would do with my time if I didn't have these habits (healthy or unhealthy) to dwell inside of" syndrome. 

The first option teaches us to hope that we will be great. The second is the fear of change. But either way you cut it... fear and hope are the same thing. One tries to look at the light at the end of the tunnel to get us through the shittiness we are living in and one dwells in the darkness of worse case scenario. If you want to live your best life...  there are actions you can take that no one else can take from you. 

I want to say "I am sorry for the heavy handedness of this post", but I am not really sorry. I want a better world for each fuckin person that I meet or encounter. That includes you <3

I would like to say that it was peaceful moments in yoga that made me believe so powerfully in my breath, but it wasn't. It was actually violent and shocking experiences. The yoga experiences simply cemented in the understanding.

Coming from a background of abusive relationships I am aware of how it feels to metaphorically drown both inside of an experience while simultaneously feeling detached from the experience. And how these experiences form the thoughts you carry for the rest of your life.

If you are sensitive to stories of abuse, or do not want to know these stories about me, please skip down to where the text is bold.  

I remember visiting a boyfriend in Indiana and him getting, what I found out the next day, was black out drunk. We were leaving a party and in his drunken rage he forced me into the passenger seat shortly after I began driving us home. Immediately after that he began speeding up and down dirt roads screaming at me about how he was going to drive us into the next telephone pole or through the next corn field in hopes we hit something unexpected and die because if he couldn't have me then no one could. I do not remember feeling ANYTHING though I remember a lot of other small details from this night, but the thing that caught my attention the most was the sound of my own breathing and how slow it got. It was more pronounced than anything else.
Unfortunately this was not the first time that an event like this happened with him. But it was the last. 

Our minds are wired to wander, worry, create struggle, problem solve and survive. When struggles like seeking food, water, avoiding danger, and shelter are no longer there, the mind will begin to create "problems" to solve. If you have a history of unresolved bullshit like the above story, you can relate to the stories that the mind makes up about creating danger. And if you do not, then you can relate to the mind creating problems to attend to.
That person doesn't love me.
That person needs to love me. 
That person needs to see things my way. 
That person needs to do it how I would do it. 
That person is going to try and sleep with me again to give me an std (that they must've caught) to get back at me for breaking up with them.
....if that doesn't happen my way it is indicative of my worth. 
​...I better end this before someone else can.
....I better call myself fat before they do.
....if it doesn't happen I will be in danger.
....I am in danger.
....I am not loved. 
....I will be alone forever. 

We are not immune to these thoughts. We all have moments in time where we dive down the rabbit holes of nobody loves us, everybody hates, the world is going to turn against me and I will perish alone.
At some point these rabbit holes have to become laughable. Not because it is true BUT because it is likely not true at all, however we are attaching our worth to our thoughts rather than recognizing consciousness as its own entity. By believing that each thought we have is indicative of the reality is both selfish and potentially debilitating. 

You see, physiologically stress is stress. It doesn't know the difference between being chased and feeling like no one will ever love you. Both of those things feel like DANGER DANGER DANGER. To find a sense of inner peace, it is important to understand consciousness. Consciousness is your ability to witness surroundings, the thoughts you have, and the actions you take over your thoughts and surroundings.  It is the opportunity to step back and choose a better reaction. Some of you might relate this to cognitive behavior therapy.
When we are completely unaware of our ability to think and act off of our thoughts, or we call our experiences truth and allow them to dictate our thoughts we begin to identify as our thoughts, and therefore increase the likelihood of feeling like we can drown amongst these thoughts. We become the victim to these thoughts.
PLEASE READ THAT AGAIN. As it is very fucking complicated. 

My tools for this, in no particular order:
Breath work.
Jiu Jitsu. 
Sam Harris and the Waking Up APP. 
My friends.
Therapy. 

People often say to me "But you're not afraid of anything"... I want to be clear that I am afraid of a lot of things. I just made. choice a long time ago to not let the fear shine through.