I have gone through many phases of who I am in my life, but I have never fantasized about marriage and only after my mom died did I go through a period of time in which I thought I wanted a child. Feeling this way has been a social challenge. I find that as a woman I get asked a lot "How is your relationship going?" or "So are guys going to move in together?" or "Are you guys talking about kids yet?". These questions are ok for me if they come from people that I am close with, but the questions coming from people who do not know me deeply drives me fckin nuts because I FEEL that it puts me in an assumed role that a relationship is the most intriguing thing in my world. When truly any relationship I have is rarely even a topic of discussion.
It is assumed that everyone wants the same thing, and often that is what they are told they are supposed to want.
Partnership. Children. A home. A good job. Friends. The ability to have fun.
We watch the people in our lives, see how they are doing it, and go along with the standard. But more and more people are finding themselves unsatisfied with all of the above listed things.
Maybe that is because our approach is wrong?
It is ok to want things, in fact, I do not think it is the wanting of the things that is the problem. It is the prioritization what we think we should want over what we actually do want that leaves us dissatisfied. It is the lack of questioning WHY we want it before we go after it. Because if we do not have a "why" then we do not have a foundation. Let's look at an example of how this internal/external conversation could work...
I want a relationship.
Because I want partnership.
What does partnership mean to you?
It means someone who is going to support me.
What does support mean to you?
It means someone who will financially help me out when I am struggling and someone who will have my back. .
What would you like to bring to the table in a relationship?
Well, I would support someone by being financially responsible and making sure they always knew I was there for them.
Why do you think it is important to bring these qualities to the table?
Because it shows reliability.
So being a reliable person is important to you and being with someone who is also reliable is important?
This conversation can go on and on but now you at least have a foundation for your approach to relationships. And then entering into a relationship is where the idealogy becomes more fluid. Reliability may mean something different to your partner, maybe they feel as though it is always being on time and feeling like you are available to them whenever. This actually makes it easier, because if you understand their needs you can be reliable for them, and if they understand yours, they can be reliable for you. But if we never stop to question why we may want certain jobs, relationships, or living circumstances then we are just "going with the flow".
It should also be said that these things change according to experiences and need to be questioned regularly. The work is never done.
Gash Gang started when my girl Jane and I would get together to work out, eat, go to the beach, talk shit, and whatever else we did. We were together so much that it became what we were known as at the gym we were training at in Phuket. She and I are still the OG of the gang and through the years we have naturally grown it into a term that describes women who are bad ass. Women who don't gossip, who work out hard, who eat food with out shame, who handle their shit and do not run their life by the feelings they have. the name has of course turned women off because gash is a slang word for vagina and the hand symbol we use means pussy. Some people don't like that, and that is fine.
As long as we can agree that women could stand to band together more, support each other, and help each other up. If you can't do that, you do not belong here. My year long program (The Gash Gang Program) is built around creating this lifestyle, implementing habits that support us being our best selves and learning how to overcome our own worst enemy to be better versions of ourself... whatever that means to us individually. So this is what I want to talk about.... steps you can take to just feel better. That wya if you re thinking about a program to sign up for, you can get a little taste of what it would be like, or you can just read some ideas that might resonate with you and make you feel a little more grounded.
LESSON #1: DRINK WATER.
You have heard of hangry right? Well think about this like "thangry" (thirst + anger).
A large part of what makes us better people is our ability to cope with and handle the shit that come sup in our days. And if we are trying to function on an over caffeinated, hyper sugared, lower calorie system, we will not be our best selves.
So how does water effect us?
In my best valley girl voice "It, like, totally helps you flush out toxins." Translation: It helps flush your kidneys.
This is what google told me, and I think it breaks it down pretty well. Basically, a lot of the problems you may be having could be a result of dehydration.
"Drinking enough water each day is crucial for many reasons: to regulate body temperature, keep joints lubricated, prevent infections, deliver nutrients to cells, and keep organs functioning properly. Being well-hydrated also improves sleep quality, cognition, and mood."
We are all in search of the quick fix to make us feel better, look better, and be better....
so go drink some fckin water.
The part that will require your awareness is how much water is right for you. Unfortunately it is not as cut and dry as drink 8 - 8oz glasses per day. Though if you are not even doing that, it could be a good place to start. But each person has their own need for level of hydration.
Please just don't let how much you go to the bathroom be a determining factor to how hydrated you are.
You are meant to go to the bathroom...
Now take a few minutes to be honest with your self and reflect on how much water you drink and what areas of your life you wish to see improvement, if you think hydration is more applicable, start adding more glasses of water into your day. If you need help with that, contact me and we can set you up on the program to help you be more accountable and on track with new habits.
As an introvert I often joke that if I didn't do the job I do, I would despise the human race. However, because I am immersed in the darkest corners of a lot of peoples minds I understand the layering and experiences they have as they strive to get better. So that probably means I only despise the people who know better and choose not to do better.
Hahaha I am only kind of kidding. Maybe. Probably not actually.
The easiest route in life is to remain basic. You do not have to push back against your family, friends, or peers. You can let other people think for you and gravitate towards people who tend to do the same. Questioning the foundations of your deeply held belief systems and habits makes you deconstruct your life, and though it will lead you to a much happier, more fulfilled and mindful life, you will go through some pretty grueling moments of self hatred.
On the flip side, if you choose to stay the same as the world around you, deep down, you will feel a sense of unease. Because your essence, whether that be soul or spirit, knows that you are not living your best life. Perhaps this has to do with the levels of anxiety and depression these days. People are largely living unfulfilled.
If you are thinking about the idea of deconstructing an area of your life and are dealing with the turmoil that comes with ending a friendship/s, changing jobs, having a hard family discussion, questioning your religious or political beliefs there is only one thing you really need to know and that is this:
THE ONLY PERSON THAT NEEDS TO BE OKAY WITH YOUR DECISIONS IS YOU.
This means that you understand and have reflected on the repercussions of your decision and are ok with them. As a mental exercise imagine explaining why you made the decisions you made to the people that you love. Being ok with them can mean that you know that you will mourn it, or that you will be angry, or that you will be happy, and that you are allowed to have all those emotions and take your time with them. Discomfort and emotional roller coasters are a huge part of the human experience. That does not mean that we must always be uncomfortable or always be immersed in drama, but rather that we are willing to dive deep into recognizing the consequences of our habits, actions, and reactions to do better the next time.
I have a ton of tips and tools to offer you about how to be in that place or support the transition you want to make in your life and one of them is of course breath work.
But there is some prep work we need to do before we begin BW so let's start here:
Sit down and pick an area of life in which you are questioning the validity of.
Write down how it feels to you know and then write out how you want it to feel.
That is all. Simple awareness around what you are feeling and what you want to feel. Stay tuned for more tools that can support you through this process.